Wednesday, September 30, 2009

if you cant handle it dont fucking read it

Crimson bleeds from your soul, tainting my forsaken hands
Agony rippled through my worthless self
Condemning me, cursing me, mocking me
Why, even you, my savior, has deserted me
Stranding me in this neverending darkness, why

Loneliness enshrouded me, questioning my existence
I gazed dejectedly at your lifeless shell
Wondering if this was meant to be
Yeah, perhaps it is
Maniacally I laughed, at the irony of destiny

The reason for my existence, to die was it not
To pursue you in life, for love, and now, in death
What a mockery I exclaimed, as I reached for your gun
Goodbye my love, I whispered longingly
I'll be with you shortly, with that, silence echoed our sanctuary

i cant body keeps alternating between insomnia and hypersomnia....what to do when you cant sleep....i read ya know...fuckloads....i write too..mostly ramblings though....sometimes continuous times poetry...i prefer to write proses though....i have shitloads of proses.....haha i dont post them though...tooo...deathly gory....maybe next time....i dont like this's like not a prose...not a's cold....

seriously if you cant handle this side of me dont fucking read.

Friday, September 25, 2009

i really cant deal with this anymore.......

you know i fucking put in effort to do my assignment even though i was freaking bedridden....and i submitted it to check for plagiarism...was gonna edit and then resubmit right...that's usually da case...and this time i couldnt fucking resubmit im stuck with a plagiarized report....risking possibly expulsion..shouldnt have done it at all...been writing in to student relations like crazy and i have to fucking appeal my case la...fucking great man...just great...oh and have to pay money to appeal

happy birthday denise......i miss you...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

zoo zoo ZOO!!!

hahaha i finally went to da zoo! been craving for it since god knows day at da zoo really chases all da boohoos away...well not permanently of course..but it's been a while since i had this much around like a crazy kid...riding da carousel...pressing myself against glass panels to get da attention of da antisocial polar outsmarted by polar bear (Inuka) cos there was another area to view him from..rather then waving like crazy lazy lioness sleeping with legs all up in de air...wanted to pose with me doing thousand years of pain to it..but it moved! too bad...lolol..da best part was da white tigers man...out of da entire trip we spend about a third of our time at da white tigers habitat...first stop white tigers...and they just got fed! so instead of them lazing around they were cleaning and licking themselves and one of them was still chewing on a bone...just like glitz! soooooo was so happily chewing and part of its tail was in da water la...then all da fishes were like gathered at its tail haha! at da end of da day...da white tigers were our last stop again...lolol...this time we were even more of them was sleeping with it's legs up in da air and rolling around...lololol...they were yawning and lazing...uber uber uber cute!!!!!!! and you know what's da best part! we stayed there till closing time and we were da only ones who saw one of them jump into da water!! wow wow WOW! how lucky can one get! jumped into da water right and all da fishes started playing follow da leader LOL it then waded to one of da bushes and started poking it's nose around...low and BEHOLD! it retrieved da bone it was chewing in da afternoon! so picture this...white tiger swimming with bone in it's mouth... FTW!!!!!!!!! lololol and there's more!!!!! it freaking leaped up da rock! you know in lion king da pride rock...LOLOL it was some rock like that and it was standing there with da bone in its mouth...wahahha best day at zoo ever man! usually we only get to see them lazing around...wheeeeeeeeeee and you know we got in for free lol thanks hunloon! went to night safari to say hi to ah boon they all too! and we ended up taking da tram too wheeeeee! lolol...ultimate animal day rofl i cant wait to post pictures but it'd be a while cos there're shitloads of them..esp da white tiger HAHA guess what!? we got footage too!!!!! LOLOL gosh bloggin about this is making me so gonna go back to da zoo soon...maybe next week..i should go every week LOLOL i looooooooooooooooooooooooooooveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee animals...heh heh.....

problems are evident in people's lives...most can be my current issue with my assignment submission....and those that cant...we can only learn to deal with it...and it we cant deal...then avoid.....simpler said then done......but what's da point of sulking and thinking about it.....somehow somewhere....answers will come......and sometimes...waiting is da only thing we can do....some people wait their whole lives for something that never comes.....some give up waiting and turn to other alternatives......some work so hard for their dreams but their dreams dont come true.....when you've worked so hard...waited and even prayed.....who or what else can you then turn to......we all live for something....well not really....most people just live cos they are alive.....some live for loved ones....some live for their'll live for my dreams......if i cant...i'll live in a dream.....but what if my dream is only a dream....hahaha im talking in circles already....私の傍いれば。。生き続けてみます。。お前は何を考えてる。。怖い。。

i knew it i knew it i knew it....nothing good comes from da approaching day....everything is going wrong............why when i already have enough on my's times like these when i wish someone would shoot me.....i cant even take comfort in da simpler pleasures of life.....i should jump into da moat and let da white tigers rip me to shreds.....

Monday, September 21, 2009


i've forgotten what's its like to be this stressed out because of studies....last time is was this bad was during a levels...once again da feelings sucks like fuck...and ya know what's da worst thing? im not stressed because im studying hard or's cos im forcing myself to be motivated to actually do something about it....why? who knows why...why when im not interested in getting a degree...why when im gonna die anyway...why when i dont wanna be here...why when im not gonna pursue a job that's related to it....why when it's only a piece of paper....why cant i just do it and get it over and done with right....i finally understand what triggers da relapses....haha....what a convenient excuse...then again it will only be seen as an excuse...nothing long more will this last....

greatness and i went to check out da upper thomson and buona vista circuits da other night....hahaha so fun...if only everyday was like that...anyway i was driving and at da thomson circuit there was this spot called da devil's would love to say that i drifted there but since it was an accident...skidded skidded tires screeching and all and greatness was scared shitless...okay fine not shitless but i could tell you were me being at da wheel....kinda oh wells....i always known that i never feared death....but to be close and really not feel fear....kinda rocks....hahaha i doubt we were even close to crashing though....but it felt an adrenalin junkie afterall....been close to bedridden these past 3 days....for reasons i shall not it fucking sucks......i hope i'll feel better tomorrow.......honestly....penso che sto feels close....or something's gonna happen my dear partner in crime....thanks for being there when i needed much as i hate to be dependent....yea im ego....haha...thanks anyway....

Sunday, September 20, 2009


dear lil' black bunny...oh so tempting..

what great lengths must i journey...
thousand five hundred and counting..
a tit or a tat..this or a that...
till you are in my arms lil' cutie...
another prose i shall be writing..
dear lil' black bunny...oh so tempting...

dear ol' woodpecker...oh so annoying...
what long hours must you linger..
won't you cease your endless knocking..
a bam and a wham..boom then a pow
you aggravating lil' fucker
there's a prose i should be writing
dear ol' woodpecker...oh so annoying...

Sunday, September 13, 2009


i just had one of da craziest and wildest nights of my life.

lol just wanted to say that before going back to sleep again haha!

Seventh Blood FOR DA WIN!

on a side note..i realised it's fucking easy to forget what's really important..slip into a temporary euphoric state of mind and just fuck care everything. but been there done not ever gonna return to that. is really tempting.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

oh no dear me.

i have been swearing excessively. i need to stop cos it's
fucking crude. lol. and HOLY SHI*T i am screwed. i have only 3 days to practice singing and my voice still fucking sucks. and im working on wed and fri. fucking great. i pity my neighbours. sometimes. lol. midnight disturbance BAH



been doing lots of fun shit lately..i think im going fucking nuts..LOLOL i fucking time travelled..went to labrador to look for ghost dogs..stole my dad's car and took glitz and karu out for a spin..and i dont have a fucking licence. LOLOL damn im asking for it man. ooo i fucking teleported da car! WHEEEEEEEEEEE! i didnt tell my dad..he was like walking damn confidently to where his car was parked. and he was like OH SHIT where's my car?! lol..he didnt even ask man..just kept quiet..i think he might have been thinking that he's getting old..getting senile..wah i feel damn bad. LOL ugh keep going to my potm spot too. da view of da moon is fucking nice. all i'd need is a white tiger...lolol da only downside to all these shit was that i lost glitz collar..i got it customized in japan and i have a matching bracelet..her's has my name and mine has hers kinda shit. i left it on da car roof and fucking drove off. it costs 150 bucks la plus her super expensive leash that was connected to da collar. oh gosh..went back to look for it. but to no avail. not at lost and found either. sigh sigh sigh sighhh...oh i just came back from prawning first time eh. first prawn i ever had to work for. LOL damn evil though..i dont know why im only evil to prawns. they must have tortured me in my past life. LOL maybe i was plankton or something then they kept eating my family roflol..ugh god im going nuts..hey glad you fucking found greatness...but i didnt...dont even know if i ever will..and it's slowly killing me inside...and im starting to question and doubt myself even more than ever....cos it seems like even my closest person never knew where i was coming going back to my old ways... gonna self destruct...KABOOM KAPOW wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!.......going nuts is just a fucking symtom of what's more to come.

oh i had a fucking awesome dream last night. must have been cos i was high on liquor and medication lol been a while since i last had a dream this awesome. lolol da world was being taken over by some shit la. everyone was being consumed by darkness. and this darkness takes over their minds and can alter da person's physical appearance and what not. so it was like fucking dgrayman la. LOL all da unaffected ones would like put charms around themselves and pray to god or something hahaha wtf la. but it doesnt really work..cos everyone has a little darkness in them and it's very easy for it to take over. friends family everyone and anyone could get even within da 'protected' zones there were infecteds they attacked from within la. at first..we could simply exorcise da darkness...yea we got magical exorcist powers too. LOL but as da darkness becomes stronger we had to kill da people. cos they were totally consumed already cant be saved. da only way to counter darkness was da purest of souls..but da number of such souls left were little so it was kinda a losing battle..i remember being forced to kill my friends and family...haha once again i would like to say that i dream in fucking colour...and again da most prominent colour was red...why is this always a common trait in my dreams? haha but damn exciting la. okay i should sleep..and maybe hopefully continue da dream..but oh wells..jaa!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009



would love to brag but it's classified information lololol