Saturday, December 31, 2011


i wonder if anyone still bothers reading this dead blog..i did say that i would try to blog more often but this is not gonna be an entertaining post i suppose. more like a zombified rant. i feel like im in some sort of eerie unsettling calm before the storm. i feel so unmotivated. i just keep distracting myself with stupid iphone games but when it's late at night and da games dont suffice da thoughts just keep surfacing. despite all da plans i made..was planning to record my ep..about 3 songs i guess..gonna do an album photoshoot..gonna hire someone to do my album art. i converted my account into a page to promote myself. i even did all da music arrangements for my songs! had all these plans laid out but you know what's missing? my voice..i damaged my vocals chords..probably because of da halloween event and made it worse because of AFA. i keep hoping it will get better in time..but i tried singing after resting for more than a month. and i can sing easy songs..but high reinforced falsetto..gone. da tone i worked so hard to achieve..gone. and i seriously dont know if my voice will ever go back to normal. it's a lot raspier than it was before. and my falsetto's supposed to be da best part of my voice. how nice can a raspy falsetto be. so what of my dreams now? i am made for this. i feel such a strong calling towards this and i am so passionate about it. but if i cant sing what am i supposed to do then. what the fuck in da world am i supposed to do then. what is da reason for my existence. my tenacity is like a freaking cockroach. disgusting and psychotic. perhaps this is god's way of telling me that this is not it? after being kicked down beyond my limit? or is this some sort of tragic comedy and life's just screwing with me? this happened once before. in jc. then i was still into music..just not piano and vocals..but trumpet. i practiced till my lips gums cut by da pressure. every freaking day. my lips literally looked like sausages. then one day i couldnt breathe properly and when i went to check it out..i found out that it was because i had torn my lung lining. it was then that i really had to give it up. is there something wrong with me? i mean must something really terrible happen to me before i get it? so once again i am here wondering...what da fuck am i supposed to do then. 

i feel like im surrounded by people who dont even think deeply. feels like all they think about are games homework..girls do people nowadays just have no depth? or have they been blinded by they way society thinks? or is everyone using all these as a distraction cos they dont wanna ponder so much about such stuff? does anyone ever wonder why..what's da reason for existing? is there a purpose for living beyond just getting good grades good job good spouse good family? told you it was gonna be a zombified rant. 

just take me beyond reality where da spirits fly and never die.


C.L~ said...

Hey...don't give up on your dreams just yet...I believe many opportunities still awaits you in e near future!..grasp tightly to your dreams and bash through any obstacles that may hinder your way...besides...a new yr marks a new beginning(cliche) and that everyone will be behind your back supporting you in either one way or another...Kambatte~!!!..(:

if i were japanese i hope my name was akihiro x'D said...


hellow from the netherlands...
to be honest i don't know how i came here, but idc. this blog is rather funny. you shouldn't give up qiuet yet. there doesn't need to be much readers. as long as you do it whit a smile you should keep going...

okey i'm talking rubbish and i don't know what i have to say sooo.

but i do like you blog though. it seems very profecional. if i would try i would get a headache and i would keep forgetting i had one.

besides all that i want to come back (sort of) on wat C.L said. about a new year a new start

even if this doesn't work every end is a new beginning. and nothing is impossible. because if its impossible i would already have happend ;3

well enough gibber gabber. back to manga :D

bye byea :D

the netherlands
17 years old

that dutch guy from the comment before this one said...

ow and if you ever want to talk. i can use someone from japan to talk to. i'm very intrested in the land of the riseing sun ^_^

my mail:

Gingy said...

this comment is pretty late, but please don't give up. Sure, everyone's blinded by what society veils us with but it doesnt mean that you've to follow the crowd. Time heals alll wounds, so why not take as long as you need, work on the other things that you can work on ( much cheaper making your own album art if yer not in a rush ) , and when you heal up, set everything back in order?

sure, people tend to think of 2012 as -the end- but leets be honest here, it isn't. So dont give up jiust yet.

If yer in need of someone to rant to ,
Tc, dudette.


Bunny Diva, Yui Tohma said...

Baby, there is one thing that you shouldn't - don't give up please. Live and fullfill your dreams, because there is a chance for you. In what you wrote I see my everyday problems, because for me there is no opportunity to make my lifedream real, but you are on a right way. I believe in you. That everything will be fine. Maybe you need just little more time. But I believe you will make your dreams come true