omens

anyone knows da meaning of a beheaded deer? da deer head on my animal charm came off...deers are extremely symbolic and said to be guardian spirits of forests....spirits of gentleness and compassion...sigh...furthermore...i heard something strange on da phone just now....something was talking...and it's not my imagination....life is actually pretty good right now...despite how stressful and fleeting it may be....but these signs and omens just keep coming.....i really hope nothing bad happens...

wth...

god i've been emo all day...even people who heard me sing could tell...lol...kinda happens when you have images of bloodstained children and monster's horn piercing outta mom's body stuck in your head...amazingly..this isnt da worst...it's only bad because there are children in it....sigh...even now...when i think back about that nightmare...gives me da freaking creeps...even after i woke up i could still feel da cold clammy corpse in my arms....couldnt stop crying for a few days...everytime i thought about it....da loneliness and hopelessness lingered on for even longer....continued feeling da non existent corpse for days that came....sigh....i really need to rest...please dont let this be for 4th night....

ghastly dreams..

this is da 3rd consecutive night i've dreamt about death...it's been a while since i had such nightmares....they appear once in a while amidst my usual dreams but never consecutively...stupid..always so gruesome and gory...and my friends wonder why i cant watch gore..i have enough of it man...lol...i usually enjoy my nightly adventures..be it nightmare or dream...gives me such a rush of power and excitement that i cant get in reality....makes me feel...more...but these nights are taking a toll on me...i wake up feeling more tired than da day before...and da feeling of despair lingers on da entire day....haha..im already stressed out as it is because of stuff going on in real life....last night...there were children in my dream....there were never children...it was da first.....covered in blood and all....monsters or aliens were taking over people....and we finally tracked them down....only to realise that they were all just minions.....and da monster queen was residing in da children's mom.....she was gonna kill da kids....and we were forced to kill their mom in front of them.....managed to save da kids....only to realise that i was actually da kids older sis....and i was da one who killed my mom.....fucking terrific isnt it....i feel like shit...and i have to go for training now....byee...

happy days are never made to last....any sense of normalcy now is just da calm before storm...

fucking assault on my soul...
fucking irony full of woe...
fucking let me do as i please...
before all life's meanin starts to cease..

i shouldn't be wishing or hoping for any other things right now...lest it all backfires..i cant have anything backfire right now..not right now...not when it's already within my grasp...

strange..

Show encrypted text

sigh..

guess what...i cant sleep again..i've been thinking of lotsa stuff lately...well more than usual anyway...and it just hit me that im really self absorbed...as in not in a narcissistic way but...i keep thinking that im da only one who thinks like that and noone could possibly understand me....i've thought like that for a long long time...and it has caused me to shun a lot of people...i've come to discover that there are other weirdos out there too...haha...perhaps different kinds of weirdos..but weirdos nonetheless...okay i should use da term eccentric people...i guess one of da key factors that caused these people to elude me is because....i act normal and carefree most of da time...be whoever i wanna be whenever situations arise....da social butterfly...da antisocial punk...da emo....da bimbo....da gamer...da rocker...da 5 year old kid....whatever.....but it's real simple actually....who i really am....im a dreamer...haha...

again and again...

ugh..this is so bloody annoying..i cant sleep again...must be 2010 jitters...

何でまだここにいるんだ。。アタシの人生どんな方へ行くんだよ。。音楽やれば別に幸せになる訳ないでしょう。。最近、本物の夢が考えてるばっかり。。音楽よりの夢。。最終は音楽をすれば何か合える気がする。。その為にずっとずっと長い間音楽をして、もっともっと音楽に好きになったですが、オリジナル夢どんどん忘れてしまった。忘れてないかもしれないんだが、もう考えたくない。有り得ないんだ。。アタシの夢幻。。妄想してるばっかり。情けない。だけど、まだまだあきらめない。あきらめたら、今死ねばいいじゃん。活きる理由もないし。。死ぬまで信じていく。

YEAR 2010

~明けましておめでとうございます~
v(>m<)v

２０１０年も始まりまして、一番のポストが日本語でやりします！あまり時間がないから、日本にいる友達には連絡がしませんでした。シンガポールにいる友達にも、もし連絡しなかったら、ここで言います！このポスト読めば、ごめんと「Happy New Year」！

New Year's Eveは、ナイトサファリに行きました！超楽しかった。昔一緒にアルバイトをした人たくさん出会った。懐かしかった～その後は、Countdown Partyに行って、Supperを食べたり、友達と話したり、ゲームも遊んだ。朝っぱら６時ぐらいやっと帰ってしまった。

２００９年は本当の事言えば、最低だった。男に騙されて、一人の友達が失って、夢もまだ適ってなくて、まだ私がここにいる存在の理由は見つけられないんだ。それなのに、闇の中で光が少しずつ 現れた。新バンドと仲間ができて、私のように非現実的な生物が大好きな人も友達になった！君らのお蔭で２００９年は最後にはよくなりました。

me, jon, weyman LOL

princess alamin from dubai LOL

 

da terrorist, da pontianak, and da hostage jovanchi LOL

ありがとうございます！今年も宜しくお願いします～

....and to end of na'vi style...LOL...

Mipa zìsìt lefpom ngaru! Eywa ngahu.