Crash and Burn

I wanna write bone chilling..drug intoxicating..music that touches you down to the deepest corner of your soul. never seems to be enough..sick of feeling inadequate. da irony of being happy..it makes me soo complacent. and i dont think i should allow myself this tiny bit of pleasure before achieving what i want so badly. i guess i just kinda let da desperation slip. i start to question da importance of it and other possibilities. but who am i kidding. it has never changed. what i want has never changed. 

hey wassup yo!

waaaao i haven't blogged in more than a month lol what have i been doing? mmm been doing loads of stuff but it feels like i've only been rolling around in mud doing nothing. maybe if i can actually see improvement i wouldnt be feeling like this. just very tired. i spent four months trying to sweeten my voice increase my range and strengthen my falsetto..wasting da time before that when i was trying to roughen my voice to make it more suitable for rock. all my effort training my reenforced falsetto down da drain. and guess what? now im back again trying to train my reenforced only to feel like i've taken a hundred steps back. just cant seem to find a balance. i wanna be able to retain da sweetness in my falsetto and yet be able to hit those super super high notes with my reenforced. ughhh i found some a singer who can do this. her falsetto is so damn sweet..and she can just suddenly change her voice and growl and rock it out. amazing...ahh just listen to this and you'd get what im trying to say...lol

anyway..i finally got my macbook so i've been recording stuff. lol still rather unsatisfied with a lot of da vids so i haven't posted much on youtube. but i posted a few covers already..lol. metric's im all yours...and coldplay's yellow..and panis angelicus. lolol so please check it out and gimme feedback kay? thanksss lol

i got a new part time job..a rather um..funny? interesting one? lolol still in training but i'll talk about this another time. lols. all im gonna say is my uniform is super cute. hahahaha

hate.

sorry i changed da password for this post....just very personal and angsty..but if you really wanna read it..it's da meaning of my name.

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are you gonna bury my castle?

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thank god it's off day

im so tireddd...it's been a while since i last had a sleepless night. thought my bio clock was fixed already!? ughh..da lask of sleep made my tongue feel like lead today and my diction was terrible. haha luckily it got better. i've been singing jazz lately...and it's really tough. if you sing it straight it's fine..just really boring. but jazz is full of improvisations and it should be freestyled. been trying to imitate ella fitzergerald..haha i think she's like the goddess of improv. teach says it's something that you gain through experience...listen to more jazz and blues..and know your notes really well. i can do it...subconsciously..when im just humming a tune while walking home..or singing to glitz. but i cant do it consciously and it so darn frustrating. anyway i need to make a list...lol..just to make sure it comes to fruition...

things to do for aesthetic purposes

- apply whitening lotion once a day

- sleep before 2am..lol...

- stop eating potatoes...less carb...

- mask 3 times a week...

- hot bath once or twice...

- kickbox or swim if i have time...

things to do for music purposes

- sing chromatic scales...melodic and harmonic minor too....

- familiarize myself with new scales...

- practice plucking on da guitar...bar chords and power chords too...

- re-practice all da songs i've sung and add my own improvs...

- listen to more jazz and blues....

okay i think that's enough for now....it's half an hour past 2...and i think i should sleep...or at least try to...lol oyasumi~~

good morning world

lol guess who cant sleep again? well i slept for about 2 hours. been listening to music..im listening to ff13's soundtrack..it's really good...uematsu..or hamauzu...i guess i still prefer uematsu..im glad hamauzu still stuck to da general ff themes..though you can hear da differences in styles in some songs...i would say that uematsu's music is less forgettable...still it's great nonetheless...

sometimes i feel really irritated with myself...when i hear these kinda hair-raising..makes me have goosebumps songs...lol...i just feel like a piece of shit. so fucking lousy..sigh boss told me it's never gonna be enough though. as a musician you always aim to perfect your own music..but it's never going to be. you'd just continue to better yourself..until you reach your limits. it's really amazing...how music can reach out to people...how it can touch people's hearts...i wanna do that. i find that it's fucking stupid how da greatest artists right now are people who produce clubbing music. it's not that i cant appreciate it...it causes a sense of high and people are able lose themselves in da song....clubbing music just reaches out to people in a senseless and artificial way i suppose. just like drugs or alcohol.

karu likes ff13 music too..he's next to da lappy falling asleep to it. lolol

i wanna hug luffy.

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im so heartbroken. it's all Oda Eiichiro's fault hmpf.

password please?

i've create two new labels Of Thy Yonder Dreams and The Black Beast of Faerie Moon..

da foremost are posts about my dreams and nightmares...and da latter is about my trials and tribulations on my journey to faerie moon....yea just an expression for my music and greater dreams...most of it would be password protected....i'll pass some of you guys da password soon...or if you can figure out da password that's great lolol..initially i wanted to name it la bête noir de fée de lune...which means da same but in french..but like too complicated lol..oh wells..im off to password protect my posts now...omg..i have a lot to do.

fiera in wonderland lol

oh what a day i had yesterday! i forced my sleep deprived self to get up to watch alice in wonderland..and it was totally worth it..lolol da bgm was awesome...da world of mystical creatures was well designed and animated. and da magical day that i had after. hahaha okay im exaggerating but it was a darn good day. started off with a picnic in wonderland...snuck in fastfood in...burger king...kfc..popcorn...lololol da smell of fried food was kinda permeating man. but we were really hungry lol jovan even forgot what movie we were gonna watch..i stupidly asked if we could see our food in 3D haha! and zacc didnt even realise his orange juice spilled. i think we were all really sleepy. alas our trip to wonderland must come to an end and i had training...again...as usual...haha..

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haha i woke up so early today..but still so sleepy only had about 5 hours of sleep..woke up cos' i was thirsty...and i think i'll go back to sleep now ja ne~~

physics sucks

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i hate avril.

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avril stole my dream! i swear this video is just mocking me in da face. im so far far far far away. i find that it pretty much still has her punk rock roots 'cept that there's no guitar and a more gothic tone to it. love da bridge. it's da most befitting part of da whole gothic haunting theme.

eyes of da dead...

this post is not for da weak minded. so fuck off.

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bruise like a peach

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i've been having weird visions in my head about dragons.....and flight of dragons' been on my mind all day....i've perhaps unveiled da most outrageous revelation of my life. hahaha then again i might be reading too much into it.

sleepless

it's morning..and i haven't slept a wink. im afraid...that its gonna be a dead end. it's not enough to be like every other one out there. just to be able to do what i want...those simple things...i need to be greater than great.

fish for thought

it just dawned upon me that im starting to hate humans less? or was it that i didnt really hate them in da first place? i dont hate people individually...but i blame humanity as a whole for causing da world to be like this? well that's a major generalization of course...i still cant bring myself to like people very much. if i could i wouldnt be having problems right now. i couldnt care less if people like me or not. LOL..and this is a major obstacle...stupid shit. i need people to like me to succeed. but i have to like them first. ugh. it shows a lot in my music. damnn..i like kids and old people though. kids cos they're still innocents. old people cos they've seen and been through everything..so they end up grumpy..or nice cos they realise what's truly important. lol animals still da best..i think i've got animal pheromone alice LOL seriously..it's kinda strange..but totally awesomeee LOL i should shuddup and go sleep. and stop blogging cos i have nonsense stuck in my head. lolol. byebyeee

animal faces

im gonna imagine animal faces everytime i sing. lol...it feels really good..when i sing to glitz or karu...and i sing with much more sincerity. i was singing while walking home today..it was da middle of da night so it was real quiet...was singing rainbow connection...haha it was so peaceful..wind blowing..leaves rustling....was strolling even swinging my hands and all...just me in my little fairy world....and all of a sudden a guy walks past me. LOLOL so embarrassing! oh wells...

The Rainbow Connection

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard
and answered when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.  

someday..we'll find it..the rainbow connection...da lovers..da dreamers and meeee....

just one phrase..

this one unexpected phrase....just made everything better. and for all da shit that im going through..i know i am going da right way. "keep on singing..and help keep da fairytales alive okay?" hahaha so touched..

i need to buy more glue.

omg omg omg omg omg oh my godddddddddddddddd. i am fucking thankful i have da determination of a rock. this is so fucking tough. and it's not even about musicality. that's da fucking easiest. i will fucking make it through all da fucking way. yes i can and will. okay i need to fucking hit myself. and get a fucking grip. i need to do this. for da sake of my greater dream. just keep thinking about that...yea it'll be worth it. it will.

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hi grandpa

my granddad's in singapore...he's gonna be here for a week. he's da only one in my family who actually likes music..he used to play da accordion..when asked what i was doing..my mom gave da embarrassed look and said im singing and playing piano. very throw face meh bitch. i still feel like shit. and my looks match too. lol. horrible outbreak...dark circles puffy eyes. all in all i look like da living dead. im really living (lol no pun intended) up to my new nickname 'Ponti'...aka pontianak. sigh im so cranky and moody..and my family's really not making it better. it's really so hurting..that out of everyone they are da ones who mock my dreams da most.

haha oh you know what's funny? hahaha i've got a mask on now...FACIAL mask LOLOL haha omg im retarded.

jon jovan annee............i dont mind if you call me ponti...i miss hanging out with you guys...i keep spamming our forest lullaby video la...haha.....stupid fatty in sydney.....(ToT)

it's a song i wrote for jon...dedicated to him and all his friends...i'll be recording a better version next time...but for now...lol....

The Forest Lullaby

lalala laa x 6

A midsummer's dream was how we met it seem
A bright starlit sky with dragons flying high
A twinkling melody of crickets in harmony
While all the fairies swoon under the sleeping moon

lalala laa x 3

It's like we were caught in a spell
Or a wish from a magic well
Did we sprinkle pixie dust?
To make this moment last..

Fall asleep to the forest lullaby
In this dream there will never be goodbyes
Hearts entwined we will meet again someday
Once upon a land far far away

lalala laa x 3

A rainbow fantasy where unicorns came to be
Where magical creatures play hide and seek all day
While gnomes speak in rhyme bells of laughter chime
Then we all sing along to the little sparrow's song

lalala laa x 3

It's like we were caught in a spell
Or a wish from a magic well
Did we sprinkle pixie dust?
To make this moment last..

Fall asleep to the forest lullaby
In this dream there will never be goodbyes
Hearts entwined we will meet again someday
Once upon a land far far away

Fall asleep to the forest lullaby
In this dream there will never be goodbyes
Hearts entwined we will meet again someday
Once upon a land far far away

lalala laa x 3

today or yesterday?

let's see which was worse...today or yesterday...

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